How to mock your personal trainer – the personal trainer comes on earth with a precise objective: train good willing people with an aim to achieve good results. – and so far ok: no doubt. But don’t forget that you alone can decide the intensity of the exercises to be alternated to rest every so often, with the personal trainer this never happens. With him there is no way out. Over the years I have learnt a few survival techniques that I would like to disclose to you today: A. Find a source of distraction. Anything. As long as it takes his attention away from you, allowing you to pause for breath. Here are a few examples: 1.Point to the buttocks of the girls training near you. 2.Point to his car saying that somebody is trying to steal it off him. 3. Point to a nerd guy working out and lifting 100 kilos, underlying that he’s a major athlete. – In the gym, there’s always one. You’ll spot him from his screams and hernia sticking out because of the effort going beyond his capabilities. The personal trainer will be cut to the quick and will start blowing up to show off his pectoral muscles. In this case too, you will no longer be the center of his attention and will have some time to recover. B. Drive him nuts with words. If images did not work the way you’d expected, try to put him off by talking to him. This would generally work better but it is also very taxing for you having to talk to him: you’ll waste oxygen, therefore you’d better make something up to impress him for real. In Italy it’s almost all about numbers that there is a shooting or a robbery or some bad guy taken away by the police. Find your information beforehand and during the training session tell him the whole story with lots of details, he will slow down – and you too. C. Take a physiological break. 1.Drink often. 2. Go often to the toilet. 3. Blow your nose – now that is time for pollen allergies it’s easier than ever. 4. Stress that you have your periods – even though you are in menopause. 5. Pretend you have an unexpected diarrhea attack. D. Take a preventive break. 1.Make sure that you have locked the car.2. Check your mobile phone – he will never know that the important working call you were waiting for will never be. 3. Check yourself: have you put on some deodorant. E. Take a muscular break. This is maybe the most acceptable one, since a consequence of your exhausting training.1.When the working out he’s chosen becomes especially hard, start counting with him: if you are under the impression that he might make you repeat it fifteen times, after the 6th or 7th time start emphasizing you are suffering an unbearable pain, he’ll know he’s pushing way too far and will stop at the 12th round. 2. Pretend a cramp. 3. And if there is no way to stop him no matter what, fake a muscle distortion… it’s ok.
With all these little tricks, you’ll survive the session. I am ready to pay for my revelations personally instead. Got to go now, the notary public is waiting for me to make my last will, my next training session could be my last: farewell.